07 November 2011

When Should Parents Have "The Talk" With Their Kids?

While I would prefer not to think about it, there's no denying it.  The generation my children are growing up in knows a lot more about, and is talking openly about - sex.  I guess being pretty guarded growing up and not knowing these types of things til' I was well into my teens, it makes it hard for me to think of my kids knowing a lot of these details, let alone discussing them with peers.  I have four daughters ranging in age from 7-11.  My oldest two, especially my oldest, apparently knows way more than I thought she did!

Due to this fact, I have started discussing with my husband when we should have the birds and the bees talk.  As a dad of four girls this makes him highly uncomfortable to even think about, and has pretty much handed me the reigns.  I'm okay with that.  I'm used to dealing with talking about women issues with them.  Not really his cup of tea, I get it.  He has agreed to sit in and provide me with some backup, thank goodness!

I'm thinking my oldest two are ready for "the talk".  I would rather be a proactive parent now, then have them traveling down this path uninformed.  It just seems strange to me, since my oldest daughters idea of having a boyfriend involves riding bikes and playing basketball together.  I am very thankful for this by the way!  I'm hoping other parents who have already gone down this road can give me some words of advice.  What age did you have the talk with your kids?  Are there any topics you censored til' they got a little older?  This whole situation makes me very nervous but I want to make sure they get the talk that I never did, but I want to make sure I go about it the right way, at the right time.  Any suggestions for this somewhat clueless mama?


  1. My daughters are only two years old, but they're already learning where babies come from. (After all, we're having another one, and I'm not telling them any pretty lies about it.) I highly recommend the books "Where did I come from?" and "What's happening to me?" by Peter Mayle. They're completely non-threatening, illustrated, funny, and accurate. Even if reading them can be a little uncomfortable.

    In case you needed any more reasons to have that talk with them...

    Girls especially need to know about sex, and not just about its biological elements. They need to know enough to make smart, empowered decisions.

    I'm planning on having several of "the talks," some as they come up organically ("Mommy? How did you and Daddy make the new baby?"), but the most important one when they're about the age of your oldest, about the dangers and responsibilities of being a sexual entity. (Which doesn't mean I'll encourage them to have sex. I will encourage them to make smart choices- including protection of MANY sorts IF they have sex.)

    So... that's my two cents.

  2. Thanks so much for your input and suggestions! I plan on also doing a no holds barred type of conversation with them. I want to lay out all the facts, leave nothing to question so to speak. Thanks again!