Two of the
most important people in your life, your boyfriend (or girlfriend) and your
best friend, can’t stand the sight of each other.
They flat out hate each other. You can feel more tension in the air
when they’re together than you can at a dinner table with Jay Leno and Conan
O’Brien. It’s only a matter of time until the rope (you) in this match of
tug of war snaps.
So what can you do? How can you get them to
like– or at least be civil toward each other when they're in the same room?
The answer isn’t that simple considering you’re dealing with people’s
emotions and personalities. However with a little help from our friend Alex Wise
a co-founder of Loveawake dating site and relationship
coach “Do and Do Not” list below, you’ll be well on your way down the road of
peace and happiness. Next stop, North and South Korea…
Do: Talk To Them Individually
When
you get the opportunity, talk to both of them separately and try to figure out why the other person irks
them so bad . Try and explain why the other person is so important
to you in attempt to open up their eyes as to why they aren’t that bad after
all.
For example when
talking to your best friend you could say, “Yeah, Joe can be very consuming and
protective of me when we’re all hanging out, but it’s just because he cares so
much.” Or when talking to your boyfriend, “OK, so Sara may like it when all the
attention is on her and it may be annoying at times but that doesn’t change the
fact that she’s always been there for me.” At the least, they’ll understand why
each other is important to you. If they truly care about you, then
they’ll care that they don’t get in the way of the people you care about.
Don’t: Hold a Press Conference
Bringing the two parties together and creating a huge
spectacle is not going to mitigate the situation. Not only will nothing
get solved, but the issue at hand will probably get blown out of proportion.
The last thing you need is for things to turn into a court case with both
people trying to convince you they’re right. You’ll either crack and end
up taking someone’s side, or you’ll remain neutral and both people will leave
feeling more hatred for the other than they did in the first place.
Do: Point Out Common Interests
If they both love something then there’s a chance that
they can find common ground chatting about that. Sure they might not
become best friends and may still dislike certain aspects of each other, but at
least they’d be able to coexist in the same room. So if they both hate
the Yankees, bring it up in conversation and maybe invite them both to a
baseball game next time the Yankees are in town. You’d be surprised how
hating the same thing can actually create quite the bond.
Don’t: Ignore What They Have To Say
There could be
a deeper meaning as to why the two dislike each other
and you’ll never know until you hear them both out. Perhaps your best
friend has a good suspicion that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Maybe
your boyfriend has heard that your best friend has been spreading nasty rumors
about you. Or maybe they simply hate the way each other look.
Either way, you’ll never get anywhere until you listen to both parties.
Do: Encourage Civility
If you’ve
tried everything and both parties still can’t agree to get along, focus on
being civil. It’s one thing to dislike someone and another to making
nasty comments and roll your eyes every time they speak. If one of them seems
to be acting this way, first let them know it’s time to grow up a little.
Then explain to them that their just making it harder on you and you’d
like them to do you the favor
and stop. Make it about you rather than about the other person. And
when all else fails, just remind them that “If you can’t say anything nice,
don’t say anything at all.”
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